All Nighter
by BonesEmily1013
Summary: Castle and Beckett decide to pull an all nighter in order to crack a case, but when Josh shows up, things get a little awkward. Rating changed to incorporate some suggestive material. May raise again depending on how it goes.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own them.**

**I'm trying out different angles with Caskett, please let me know what you think.**

Beckett rubbed hers eyes trying to get them to refocus on the case file. Castle sat on her left resting his chin on his hand. His eyes were starting to droop but he was determined not to leave her on her own to deal with this case. They were in this together, and it was the only time in the past few weeks that they'd been able to enjoy time together.

Suddenly the elevator doors pinged and in came Josh.

"Kate!" His voice cut through the otherwise silent room, jostling them both from their semi-consciousness.

"Josh! What are you doing here?" Beckett was surprised but seemingly please to see him. Castle on the other hand just sunk further into his chair. He'd tried to like the guy for Beckett's sake, but had rapidly come to the conclusion that there was never going to be any chance of him getting along with any of Beckett's boyfriends if they weren't him.

"I could ask you the same question. You were supposed to meet me for dinner three hours ago." Josh was miffed. He understood that he and Beckett both kept unusual hours but she'd never missed a day when they'd planned to go out for dinner.

"Oh Josh, I'm sorry. We just got so caught up with the case, I completely forgot." Beckett rubbed her eyes exhaustively. It wasn't often that she would let on how tired she was during a case, but this one had really gotten to her.

"Well what's he still doing here?" Josh indicated Castle and pointed to him accusingly, "Hasn't _he_ got a family to go home to too?" Castle stiffened. He didn't like Josh's tone but refused to engage in front of Beckett.

"_He_ has a name. And not that it's any of your business but no, they're all away for the weekend. Castle is helping me construct a feasible motive." Castle smirked.

Kate's vehement defence of Castle shocked Josh. He knew they were friends but he hadn't appreciated just how close they really were. The cold stab of jealousy overtook Josh for a moment as the realisation that Castle and Kate spent more time together than he and Kate ever did, sunk in.

"Well when are you going to come home? It's late and I wanted to spend some time with you." Josh was on the verge of whining now and it started to annoy Beckett.

"I don't know Josh. I really need to try and get ahead with this one. This guy's clever, and if we don't figure out a motive soon, we're going to end up with another dead body. I'll be here all night if I have to be..."

Josh tried to cut her off as he gestured towards Castle,

"And as for Castle, he is a free agent. It's his choice to stay here and help me, but he'll go whenever he's ready." Beckett wasn't in the mood for a fight right now. Especially in front of Castle. She knew that things weren't great between Josh and Castle, not that she'd ever really tried to get to the bottom of it, but she wasn't prepared to start delving into it now.

In a desperate attempt diffuse the situation, Castle piped up, "Josh, if you'd like to stay and help Kate with the case so you can spend some time together, I can go." He stood up so as to emphasise his point.

Beckett shot him a death glare. She didn't like sharing her work world with Josh. It was bad enough having to tolerate Castle, but he was good at building theories with her. She couldn't imagine that Josh was terribly good at that sort of thing.

"Castle, you don't have to go, and Josh, you and I will spend time together, I just need to get through this case." Kate was begging with her eyes, looking into Josh's eyes. Unfortunately her puppy dog look wasn't as perfected as Castle's,

"Sure. I'd love to stay and help." Josh said enthusiastically. Kate huffed to herself before forcing a smile on her face as Josh pulled up a chair.

An hour passed, and they'd got no where. Kate's hands were either side of her temples as she tried to shut out the two men on either side of her; concentrating on the case file.

"Would anyone like anymore coffee?" Josh piped up. He'd been no help at all in the building of a motive, and he'd totally misunderstood the way Beckett and Castle built a theory. Part of the fun was Castle would suggest something totally outrageous and then Beckett would come up with something more feasible; which normally led in the right direction.

"No thanks." Castle offered, not looking up from his case file. Josh scowled at him. He wasn't really asking Castle.

"Kate honey?"

"Huh, what?" Kate was shaken from her train of thought.

"More coffee?"

"Umm, no thanks." She said before going back to her case file also.

Josh slumped off to the break room. He was miffed that in this misguided effort to spent some time with her, she'd managed two words. As he disappeared Castle put his hand on Kate's back,

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" She asked

"For asking him to stay. I thought that it would make things better, but I think, as usual I've just made them worse." Castle looked genuinely sad. Beckett couldn't help but smile. She knew that he hadn't meant to interfere.

"It's ok Castle. I appreciate what you tried to do." She laid her hand on Castle's thigh absent-mindedly. It didn't go unnoticed by him. They looked at each other and smiled warmly. They suddenly realised how close they were to each other. Their eyes darkened as they started to look deeply at each other; and the atmosphere in the room felt like it had had an abrupt electric charge added to it, but the break room door closing snapped them out of their 'moment'. Josh came back and sat down.

"What'd I miss?"

Castle swallowed hard. It wasn't so much what Josh had missed, but what he'd potentially interrupted. Kate recovered quicker than him.

"Nothing really. Castle was just trying to get me accept another CIA theory." She smiled at him. Castle smiled back and was so lost in Kate's cover that his missed Josh's eyeroll.

They settled back into silence for another hour before Josh stood up.

"Come on Kate. I think you've done enough for one day. You're not getting anywhere and you need a fresh look at it in the morning."

Castle hated to admit it, but Josh was right. They hadn't come up with any feasible motive and he was starting to feel the strain.

"Beckett, Josh is right. It won't do you any harm to go home and rest for a few hours. You'll feel better after some sleep."

Josh was surprised when Castle agreed, but pleased that he wouldn't have to argue with both of them. They then noticed that Beckett hadn't proffered an opinion.

"Beckett..."

"Kate..." Josh and Castle said at the same time. Castle looked round Beckett's arm and realised she'd fallen asleep while resting her head there. He smiled to himself. She was so adorable when she slept. Castle stole a glance at Josh and realised that he seemed unsure of whether or not to wake her. Castle decided to rub his hand over her shoulder blades in hopes of rousing her.

"Beckett? Come on you need to wake up. Josh is going to take you home." That last part stung. He hated that he wasn't the one to be taking her home. But at that moment Beckett leaned towards Castle and started to snuggle into his neck, her hand resting on his chest.

"Hmm" Was all she said. Josh who had been standing back watching this unfold, decided that he'd seen enough. He wasn't about to let Castle enjoy this anymore than was necessary.

"Come on baby, I've got to take you home." Josh tried to pick her up but Beckett ended up grabbing a fistful of Castle's shirt making it impossible.

Josh snapped, "Kate wake up!"

"Shhh! You'll wake her." Castle could feel his blood begin to boil. He knew that Kate didn't get enough sleep as it was, and he didn't take kindly to Josh trying to startling her awake. Plus, he was enjoying having her in his arms a little too much.

"Well she'll have to wake up if I'm going to take her home!" Josh spat back.

"Don't worry about it, I'll just carry her down to your car. Where'd you park?" Castle tried to reason with him.

"I came on the bike." Said Josh in a tone that suggested that Castle should know that.

"You can't take her home on that. Even if you did get her to wake up, she's so exhausted she'd probably fall right back to sleep and come off the bike." Castle said incredulously.

"Well what do you suggest Writer Boy?" Josh folded his arms in frustration.

"I'll take her home in my car."

"Over my dead body!"

"Look, why don't you follow me on the bike? Standing here arguing isn't going to get Beckett home safely to bed." Castle sighed._ Why was she with this idiot again?_

When Josh didn't come back with a counter argument, Castle scooped Beckett into his arms and secured her against his chest as he walked toward the elevator. Beckett gripped onto his shirt even tighter and sighed contentedly again. Castle smiled down tenderly at her and automatically placed a long kiss on her forehead before Josh appeared at his side and reminded him where he was. Castle pulled her as close as possible so that he could savour this feeling of her completely relaxed in his arms. He felt the loss of what could have been as they rode down in the elevator in cold silence, apart from Kate's steady breathing.

Castle placed her gently in his backseat and managed to get her to relinquish her death grip on his shirt. On the drive back to her place, Castle kept stealing little glances in the rear-view mirror of her beautiful sleeping form. He'd then see the flash from Josh's motorbike headlight, bringing him back down to Earth with a bang.

They finally reached her front door, with Castle having already removed her keys from her pocket. Josh opened up while Castle sailed straight into Beckett's bedroom as if he'd been doing it all his life. He placed her on the bed gently and tucked her in under the covers. As he was getting up to leave he heard Beckett whisper,

"Stay."

"What?" Castle could barely believe his ears.

"Stay with me..." Castle's heart leapt at that statement. She obviously felt more for him than she'd let on, but Josh's frame appeared in the doorway.

Castle's face fell before he whispered in her ear sadly, " I can't" Kate frowned in her sleep, as if she didn't understand. With a final stroke of her hair and a kiss to her temple, Castle got up and walked to the door. Just before he got through the other side, he heard Josh behind him.

"Hey Castle!"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Castle smiled sadly, "You're welcome. I'll...I'll see you around."

"Sure."

With that Castle closed the door. He hated walking away from her. Especially when she made requests like the one she just had, but she wasn't his to love.

Josh stared at the front door for a few more seconds before turning towards Kate's bedroom. They would have a lot to discuss in the morning.

**Well there were are. I was thinking of leaving this as it is but I'm not sure. Would you like me to write more?**

**I haven't forgotten my other story Karaoke, but this one was bugging me and I had to write it down. I've got a lot of Caskett going on in my head at the moment. I hope you enjoyed it.**


	2. The Morning After

**Wow guys! The response to this story is overwhelming! My inbox was flooded. I appreciate all the alerts you've set up too. You have inspired me to keep going with this. I hope you're not too mad at me for where this next instalment is going.**

Kate woke up feeling cozy and warm. She remembered the case she had been working on. How Castle had convinced Josh to stay and help, and then getting no where with any leads. Beckett frowned for a moment as she struggled to remember the journey home. _What a minute, I don't remember coming home!_ Beckett felt slightly panicked as that realisation hit her. Then she opened her eyes and realised that she was at home, so someone must have brought her here. _Did I fall asleep?_ She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force the memory. All of a sudden she remembered that she'd been vaguely aware of being picked up and snuggling into someone's neck. _But who's?_ She thought fearfully.

Beckett stretched to try and shake of the remnants of the deep sleep she'd been in, hoping that it might clear her mind of the fog it was currently feeling. Her left arm brushed against something, or rather someone and she sat up suddenly. Josh was sitting next to her fully clothed holding a mug of coffee. She smiled warmly at him. It was comforting to wake up next to him.

"Hi."

"Hey." Josh's delivery was less enthusiastic, almost sad. Beckett frowned.

"What's wrong? Did I drool on you in the night?" Beckett wiped her mouth nervously. This earned a slight smile from Josh.

"No." There was a moment of silence before Josh added, "Are you in love with Castle?"

Kate was incensed, "What? No! Why would you even ask that?"

"I don't know, maybe because when you fell asleep you wouldn't let anyone but him lift you into their arms. Or maybe it was the fact that you asked him to stay when he put you down on the bed."

Kate's blood froze. _She did what? Oh God now her own body was betraying her in her sleep._

"Well obviously I thought it was you." She tried to cover.

"Kate, I don't mind. I just want you to be honest with me. If you're heart isn't in this then I'll walk away now. I don't want to lose you but I don't want to be someone you settle for." Josh was sincere but firm.

Beckett didn't know how to feel about this. Yes she loved Castle but he wasn't the sensible choice. Any chance they may have had was lost when he went to the Hamptons with Gina. She couldn't risk her heart like that again. The agony she had felt that day when he'd walked away was bordering on unbearable. She was determined that she would never be that vulnerable again; despite how when he looked at her, as if she were the only woman in the world, it stole her breath. They would never be together. She had to think quickly if she didn't want to end up alone again. There was nothing wrong with Josh. He was easy to be with, and she preferred a safety net of having someone to turn to when she needed it. _But you've got that in Castle._ Her inner voice, that had come to sound a lot like Lanie, prompted her. Beckett shook herself before saying,

"Josh, I don't know what to say other than that I'm sorry. I obviously thought it was you when I was asleep and anything I said last night was meant for you." She placed her hand over his and squeezed it gently.

Josh smiled at her. "As long as your sure."

"I am." she smiled back and nodded as if to cement her point. Josh held out his arms and she gladly snuggled into him. Josh placed a kiss on her forehead. Beckett stiffened as she realised that someone had kissed her there last night and it suddenly dawned on her that it couldn't have been Josh. Her whole body started to tingle at the thought of Castle placing a kiss there. A shiver went up her spine.

"You ok?" Josh asked, concerned.

"Yeah, just a little cold I guess." She tried to snuggle closer so as to emphasise her point.

Josh's eyes darkened as he said, " I know a good way to warm up." He started to place open-mouthed kisses on her neck. Beckett responded appropriately but it didn't make her feel as half alive as the thought of Rick placing a kiss to her forehead. She rolled her eyes at herself. She was determined that she would get over this. Starting from today, she would devote more time to Josh and get Castle out from under her skin permanently.

**Don't kill me! It will be a happy ending I promise, it's just going to take a little longer for them to get there. I will try and update soon. I've got three more chapter outlines already done so I've got some idea of where I want this to go. Please R & R it makes my day!**


	3. Convincing Liar

**You guys are really supportive. It's giving me lots of inspiration to keep going. You've all paid me some really high compliments and I can't thank you enough for it, other than by writing you another chapter. Enjoy!**

Castle walked into the 12th precinct carrying his signature two cups of coffee and a bearclaw for Beckett. He smiled when he got to her desk, thinking about the events of the previous night. She felt right in his arms despite the fact that Josh hadn't been far away. Maybe he should try and tell her how he felt. This cat and mouse game they'd been playing had been going on long enough.

The elevator signalled her arrival and Castle looked up, beaming at her infectious smile. It soon fell when he realised it wasn't him she was smiling at. Josh got off the elevator with her and was holding her hand. _But she hated PDA, especially at the station!_ Castle thought to himself. Her giggle _yes giggle_, rang out through the station. Josh then leaned in to kiss her. She kissed him back, hard. _Oh great, post-coital glow_ thought Castle to himself. S_o much for telling her how I feel she's clearly been feeling something else!_

Beckett and Josh approached her desk_._

"Hey Castle." Beckett said enthusiastically.

"Hey..." he said flatly.

"Oh Rick I just wanted to apologise for overreacting yesterday. I appreciate your help for last night." Josh beamed at him and held out his hand. Castle took it reluctantly but shook nonetheless. It wasn't his fault he was in love with Kate too. Who wouldn't be?

"You're welcome." He was sincere.

"Well ok sweetie I've got to get to the hospital. See you tonight?"

"Sure." Beckett seemed to have slept with a coat hanger in her mouth the way her smile was still radiating out as she gave Josh one more kiss goodbye.

Castle waited for Josh to disappear before saying, "You're getting all cozy with motorcycle boy!" He spat as if the words tasted bad on his tongue.

"Well what do you expect Castle he's my boyfriend" She folded her arm and raised her eyebrows, slightly shocked at his accusation

"Hmm, yeah so it seems." He muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean? And what does it have to do with you anyway? You know what I think? I think you're jealous?" She taunted him, the wave of anger that he'd provoked, threatening to envelope her completely.

"Why should I be jealous? You wanted me last night when you asked me to stay."

Kate froze. Her eyes wide with fear. _Damn him for bringing that up! _Castle got cocky when he realised she wasn't going to argue straight away.

"You didn't want anyone but me to hold you. You snuggled into my neck." He was dangerously close to her face now. She could feel his hot breath on her cheek. Her breathing became ragged, coming out in short bursts as he invaded her personal space further. His eyes darted to her lips, and she made the mistake of looking down at his lips. She was sure he was going to kiss her and she closed her eyes in anticipation. Castle smirked and chuckled slightly, realizing how much of an effect he'd had on her. This broke the spell and Kate pulled back as if he'd burnt her. When Castle looked at her now he could see she'd put up her walls well and truly now.

"Don't flatter yourself Castle I thought you were Josh. Why would I ever want you?" It was spiteful and she knew it. She could see the pain those words had caused and she was instantly sorry for them; she certainly hadn't meant them. But before she could react Castle dejectedly walked away, taking his jacket with him.

"Where...where are you going?"

"Home. I won't stand in your way anymore."

"Stand in my way? Castle what do you mean? Come back. I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said..."

"It's ok Kate. I understand. Good...goodbye."

She watched as his crestfallen form disappeared from sight. Her feet were glued to the floor. She desperately wanted to run after him and take back what she'd said. She could feel Esposito and Ryan's eyes on her back. She turned to look at them, her eyes watering ever so slightly.

"Haven't you got work to do?"

The boys lifted their hands in the air, in an act of surrender. They weren't prepared to provoke her wrath any further.

Kate sat down in her chair heavily and fiddled with her Mother's ring. _What have I done?_

Castle came crashing through his front door and straight into his study. He hoped nobody was home as he sure as hell didn't want to talk to anyone. The tears had started well before he made it to his chair. Kate's words just kept running over and over in his head like a bad movie; taunting him. _**Why would I ever want you? **__Why indeed? Because I love you more than life itself? Because I'd gladly give my life for you?_ He pondered to himself. Castle ran his hands over his face in an effort to erase the pain that was etched all over it. This only made him cry harder. Why did he have to fall in love with Kate Beckett? The only woman he'd truly loved in his whole adult life, and she turned out to be crazy for someone else, and only saw him as a joke. Someone that she had to put up with. There had been times when he was so sure that she'd felt the same. Obviously he'd been wrong and he'd been punished for it. He laughed ironically to himself as the tears continued to fall. _Katherine Beckett I gave you my heart and you just broke it._ It was the last coherent thought he had before crying himself to sleep on his desk.

**Dun, dun, duuuun. A little depressing this chapter I feel but it had to be done. For those of you that are worrying about this happy ending, don't worry, Josh will be out the door very soon!**

**Keep R&R-ing you make my day!**


	4. Freudian Slip

**A slightly longer chapter for you now. I hope you enjoy this one.**

Beckett had struggled to get through the rest of the day, despite the fact they'd arrested a suspect and got him to confess within 20 minutes. She didn't feel the same satisfaction that she normally did. Her shadow was missing. Her best friend. _God how could I have been so stupid. It was just a defence mechanism! I've hurt him so badly._

When all her paperwork was done she decided to try and call Castle. She was determined to straighten things out. It rang off and went to voicemail. _Figures _she thought to herself. If he'd spoken to her like that she wouldn't take his calls either. If there wasn't an answer by tomorrow she'd go over to the Loft and see whether he'd let her apologise.

She and Josh got take-out on the way home. Beckett picked at it and Josh noticed. She managed to deflect his questions and put it down to the case taking it's toll and that she was just tired. Josh seemed satisfied with the answers and they settled down on the sofa in front of the television.

Beckett's mind wondered as she thought about the man who's heart she appeared to have broken earlier that day. She knew part of the reason for her flying off the handle like that was because she was confused over her feelings for him. There had been a time when she was so sure she was in love with him, but then his trip to the Hamptons had ruined any chance of her admitting her feelings for him. It wasn't like he was in love with her anyway, _was it?_

Beckett hadn't been completely lying when she'd said she was tired. With all the inner turmoil it didn't take long before her head rolled down onto Josh's shoulder. He smiled down at her lovingly and touched her cheek gently to see how deeply asleep she was. When she didn't stir, he got up to lift her into his arms. She sighed softly and he kissed her forehead.

"Hmm...Castle." she mumbled.

Josh's blood ran cold as his grip tightened on her. So she hadn't told him the truth this morning. Josh was so shocked that he nearly dropped her. Shaking his head in disbelief he carried Beckett to her room and placed her on the bed. He looked at her longingly, knowing that the woman he was willing to spend the rest of his life with, was never his to start with; whether she was ready to admit that or not. He closed the door quietly and picked up his things. He decided to leave her a note:

_Dear Kate,_

_It seems that you and I are destined to part ways. As I carried you to bed last night, you mumbled his name in your sleep. Whether you are ready to admit this or not, you are in love with him; and he is certainly in love with you. Do us all a favour and come clean._

_I wish that the situation was different but I think it best for me to bow out now, while I can still salvage some dignity. Please know that I loved you, and I wish you all the best._

_Take care of yourself_

_Josh_

Josh closed the front door silently with a heavy heart, metaphorically closing a major chapter in his life.

Kate woke up the next morning, cold. She remembered that she and Josh had been watching the TV. She must have fallen asleep again. She laughed at herself; twice in two days. Then the sadness hit her suddenly when she thought about who'd put her to bed the first night. She shook herself in an effort to rid her mind of his memory. It was futile. He was a permanent fixture, whether she wanted him there or not. Sighing she got out of bed.

"Josh?" Beckett called out.

"Josh?" She said it quieter as she reached the kitchen. Beckett's eye was drawn to the piece of paper on the worktop. Her brow furrowed as she picked up the note. She crumbled as she got to the end. Her world fell apart as the sobs overtook her. She was alone again; and it was all his fault! _I think you'll find it's yours_ her inner voice piped up. _You should have told Josh the truth when you had the chance._

Kate cried harder than she had in a long time. The sobs shaking her petite frame. Before she could even second-guess herself, she'd pressed number 1 on her speed-dial.

Castle woke up suddenly when he heard his phone vibrate on the desk. He was about to answer it when he realised who was calling. _She probably just wants to apologise for yesterday._ He pressed the cancel button. If it was important she'd leave a voicemail. It rang again almost immediately. He frowned and sent it to voicemail again. Coffee seemed like a good way of distracting himself. Sleeping hunched over his desk hadn't done anything for his back or neck.

Alexis was busy getting herself ready for school.

"Hey Dad." her whole face lit up when she saw him.

"Morning Pumpkin." The fake smile didn't reach his eyes and he spoke wearily.

"You ok? You looked pretty dead when I came home so Gram and I decided to leave you to sleep." Alexis searched his eyes for any sign of an explanation. When one wasn't forthcoming she continued,

"What were you doing home so early anyway? Did the case finish early?"

"I have no idea. I'm not shadowing Beckett anymore." he sounded depressed.

"What do you mean?" she sounded panicked.

Castle's phone chose that moment to interrupt them.

He stared at the inanimate handset for a moment before hurling it at the living room couch.

"Hey! What was that about?" Alexis' eyes widened in horror. This behaviour was so out of character.

"Beckett doesn't want me there. She made that pretty clear yesterday, and now I'm out of her hair, she's bugging me?"

"Dad, there's something you're not telling me." Alexis narrowed her eyes.

"It's nothing, just...go to school." Castle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No! Not until you tell me what happened." She raised her voice. Something she rarely did to her Father.

"I love Kate!" he shouted, all the air escaping from his lungs with the effort of the confession.

That brought a smile to her face, "Well I know that."

"No, I mean I'm in love with her."

"Yeah, I know. What else is new?" Alexis shrugged still missing his point.

Castle was speechless. How was she so perceptive?

It suddenly dawned on Alexis what may have happened as she remembered that Kate had a boyfriend, "Is that what you fought about?"

"Well sort of..." Castle then recounted what had happened the night Kate had fallen asleep on him and what she'd asked, and then how in the morning she'd coming in glowing. He left out the reason why but was fully aware that Alexis wasn't stupid. He then repeated what Kate had said to him and that that was how he'd left things. It left him even more exhausted than he'd felt after crying himself to sleep the previous evening.

Alexis watched him carefully before adding, "And you're avoiding her calls because..."

"Honey didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Yes and by the sound of it, she's trying to push away all those feelings she has for you so as not to get hurt. She doesn't know how you feel and so is not going to jeopardise her relationship with Josh." Alexis finished matter of factly.

"Feelings for me? What feelings?" He was incredulous.

"Dad I love you, but you can be so dense sometimes. She's in love with you too!" She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I think you've been watching too many slushy movies." He gave her a pitying look.

Alexis was exasperated as she went to retrieve his phone and held it out to him as it started to vibrate again.

"I don't think you'd have 6 missed calls from someone who didn't care." Castle just stared at the phone blankly.

"You'll never know unless you answer it..." She pushed the phone further towards his face.

Castle didn't move as it rang off again; before starting again moments later.

"Answer it!"

Her tone shocked Castle and he took it automatically while his eyes bore into his daughter's. Their staring competition lasted a few seconds before Castle looked away and down at his phone. He took a deep breath and pressed the green button.

"Kate..." He started to say before he heard,

"Castle..." She was clearly distraught and it frightened him.

"What's wrong?" His voice full of concern. _You've got it bad_ his inner voice chimed in.

"I need you."

That was all the encouragement he needed.

"I'll be right there!" He said before hanging up. He kissed Alexis goodbye and ran out of the apartment like a bat out of hell. He knew that if she'd openly admitted that she needed him, something was terribly wrong.

**See I told ya Josh was going. There will be fluff and possibly some smut coming up (you have been warned). Please R&R. I can't believe how well this story is being received. I will try and update before the weekend.**


	5. Healing

**I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating. It's been several months and I'm still getting the occasional alert. You guys are amazing, thank you so much! I hope this chapter makes up for the delay in some small way.**

**Just a small A/N – anything in italics is a thought. I wanted to try and stop saying he said, she said so much. **

Castle made it in record time to Kate's apartment. Panic had overtaken him the minute he heard the distress in Kate's voice. _What's happened? Has motorcycle boy hurt her? Has something happened to him or another member of Beckett's family?_ The questions kept on swirling round his head as his overactive imagination took over. _The occupational hazard of being a_ _writer_, he thought wryly to himself. After what seemed like hours, Castle made it to Kate's door.

"Kate!" he shouted through the door of her apartment and went to slam on the hard wood only to find the door ajar. _This can't be good._

He walked inside cautiously, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that he could be walking into a trap with no means of defending himself. His eyes darted around the room for a few seconds before his ears picked up the sound of a resounding sniff and quiet sobbing. It didn't take him long to discover the broken and emotionally drained body of Kate Beckett. She was hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her nose was starting to run, leaving a silvery trail from her nostrils to her top lip. Castle thought she'd never looked more beautiful! He approached her silently. Her pain becoming increasingly evident on her face. His heart was having palpitations. He'd never seen her look so small. It made him want to cradle her in his arms and promise to never let anything hurt her again. As he reached her, he crouched down on his knees, lowering his eyes in an attempt to get her to look at him,

"Kate?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

She took a deep breath before meeting his eyes. It was almost like she was preparing herself for the inevitable fight they were about to have. The last time she saw him, she'd mocked him mercilessly. Betrayed his trust, and belittled his commitment to her. She knew how scared she was to admit her feelings and now in her time of need there was really only one person who she could trust with her vulnerability. _Ironic!_ She thought to herself, _the very thing I accused him of lacking, and yet he's the only person I trust to see me like this._

Kate lifted her pain-filled green eyes to meet his soulful blue ones. What she saw there shocked her. Not pity, not anger, just pure concern, and dare she say it, love. Even the frightful state she was in, and he still looked at her like she was the most beautiful and precious thing he'd ever seen. The final bricks in her already partially demolished wall came crashing down.

"Oh Castle…" she managed to squeeze out before she crumpled, and he launched himself at her and gathered her in his arms.

"Shh, it's ok. I've got you. You're ok. I'm here." He whispered soothing words into her ear. Castle decided to get comfortable, realising that they'd probably be here for a while, as they talked things through and Kate recovered herself. She just needed to let it go. He maneuvered himself so that he was in a sitting position, leaning against the wall where he'd found Kate. She ended up in his lap, her arms around his neck, clinging on for dear life as the emotion poured out of her.

When her eyes dried out and the sobbing subsided, Castle gave her a squeeze, and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Kate couldn't resist the urge to look him in the eye. Castle thought how small she felt in his arms. The expression on her face was similar to that of the one Alexis used to give him when she got upset as a little girl. His heart felt like it was in a vice at the effort it was taking him not to just kiss her troubles away. God how he loved this woman! Instead he settled for,

"Better?"

Kate sniffed again and nodded against his chest, "Yes…thank you."

"What are partners for?" His voice cracked unconvincingly.

She gave him a sad smile, aware of the elephant in the room. She tried to think about where to start, to help get them back on the path of normalcy, but there seemed no way round the fact that she'd hurt him, and now the minute something went wrong in her world, she called out to him, knowing that he'd make it all better. She owed him the truth, that much she was certain. She just didn't know where to start. Castle could see the inner struggle going on in her eyes and mistook it for a decent into the tears again so he quickly piped up.

"You wanna talk about it?" His voice was soft. Gentle. She didn't deserve such a man, she knew it. She nodded her head slowly.

"I just don't know where to start."

"How about we start with why I'm here instead of Dr Motorcycle Boy." There was an icy undertone to his voice. It made Kate shiver.

"He umm…he left." She rubbed the back of her neck in a nervous movement, desperately trying to meet Castle's eye.

"What? Why?" Castle was shocked and he released her from his grip. They both stood up together, starting to pace in opposite directions. He hadn't expected that. Then it hit him that if Josh had left and Kate was in this much of a mess, then he may have lost his chance for good. He never realised that Kate was in love with Josh. He was however, still her friend and he wanted to make sure she felt better before leaving her to go and lick his wounds.

Kate noticed Castle's sudden loss of grip on her. She'd imagined many different scenarios about telling Castle that she and Josh broke up, ranging from indifference to gloating but she hadn't forecast this one. He seemed, angry.

"Castle, I…we…" she stumbled over the words. Her brain couldn't come up with a reason quick enough. His anger had thrown her. She wasn't used to dealing with an angry Castle.

"What Kate? Did he have to go on some mission again and leave you holding the figurative baby?"

"What, no?" She could feel her anger coming to the surface now. How dare he accuse Josh of being the bad guy in this when it was all his fault!

"Then what Kate? Huh? What possible reason could he have for leaving you in such a mess?"

She snapped then, "YOU!" she practically screamed in his face. "You and your damned nosing, not being able to leave me alone and get on with my life. You getting under my skin and elbowing your way into every aspect of my life so that even in sleep you're in my head!" Oh God, here they were again. This wasn't how she wanted this to happen. It wasn't his fault, it was hers. She was the one who was too chickenshit to tell him how she felt. He hadn't been hiding his feelings, his were perfectly clear.

"Me? What did I do? I've done everything to stay out of your way in respect of your relationship with Josh. I've been your friend, I've kept you company when he wasn't there and now that it's over, it's somehow my fault?" Castle's voice cracked as he got to the end of his sentence. He was a broken man. This woman would be the death of him if he continued like this. Rick slumped his shoulders in defeat with is head hanging low. He started for the door but Kate's voice stopped him.

"Don't go. You didn't do anything Rick. It's all my fault. I had one foot out the door like always and he'd had enough of playing second best." Kate was now the dejected looking one. She hugged herself to try and keep the pain out, and to protect herself from the onslaught of Castle's rant which she was certain was coming. When none was forthcoming, she raised her head just in time to see him come towards her with a bemused look on his face.

"Second best to what Kate?" Castle asked with a frown creasing his brow.

_Uh-oh _thought Kate. This is getting into dangerous territory. The panic was evident in her eyes. Rick was now face to face with her and looking away wasn't an option or he'd know she was lying. She decided to go with the nonchalant approach and shrugged her shoulders.

"To the job. We never saw each other..."

"Bullshit Kate!" he interrupted. "That may have worked if it was Demming, but we're talking about Josh here. He was a doctor. You never saw each other in the beginning either. He knew the score that's not it."

His directness shocked her. He'd called her bluff and now she had to pay the piper. She took a deep breath.

"He was fed up with all the time I was spending with you." There she said it. She didn't need to go any further than that. He didn't need to know that she'd been dreaming of him.

"That's a start Beckett, but what about this?" To her horror he was holding the note that Josh left.

"Where did you get that?" she was breathless, almost to the point of hyperventilating. She couldn't go there now. There was too much baggage in the way. She was fine to admit that her boyfriend dumped her because he thought there was something going on between her and Castle, but to actually talk about her true feelings for him with him was another thing entirely.

"You left it on the side." He wore that smug expression she hated so much when he thought he had the better of her.

"Is any of it true?" Castle kept the veil of smugness on his face, wary of letting her see the hope that was building inside of him. If she loved him then it was all going to be alright. They could move past this and build something together, but if she denied her feelings or didn't feel the same way, then he was quickly calculating the fastest way of leaving to end his suffering, and to get Kate Beckett out of his head once and for all.

"Castle you've been looking at me the whole time, how could you possible know what that says?" She was trying to buy herself some time. She wasn't ready to do this now.

"I'm a speed reader, remember." He flashed her his signature grin before staring her down, willing her to contradict the contents of Josh's note.

"I…" she stumbled over her words. What could she possibly say that would let them move past this and talk about it some other time?

"Kate…I just need you to be honest with me." Rick was imploring her now to validate Josh's observations.

The tears had started again of their own volition. Without hesitation Castle dropped the note and placed both hands either side of her cheeks, wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs.

"Hey. I'm not trying to frighten you or pressurise you. I just want to know how you feel so we can move past this."

"Castle, I can't do this now. Please…please just go." Kate felt like she'd just plunged a knife into Rick's heart as she watched the pain cloud his eyes, as tears of his own started to make an appearance. She'd done it again. In an attempt to spare him the pain of trying to love her, she'd caused more damage. She needed to get away. She ran from his embrace, his hands had relaxed their grip. She was next to her kitchen counter, running to her bedroom when she heard him cry,

"Wait!"

The persistence in his tone was enough to make her stop in her tracks. She turned around to face him, a look of determination on his face.

Castle decided that he needed to give it one last shot. If she dismissed him then, he had no choice but to walk away from her. All cards on the table now, it was now or never. Twist or bust.

"Kate, I love you!"

**There you have it a nice long chapter for you. A horrible cliffhanger too I know. You will be pleased to know that I have started writing the next chapter already so hopefully it'll be up and running by the weekend (I know, I've said it before), but I'm going to try and make a special effort to do it this time. Smut alert for the next chapter too – you have been warned. Please R&R. **


	6. Explosion

**Wow you guys! I've never seen so many alerts and favourite author tags. Thank you, I'm very flattered. Well here it is. I did say I'd try to post before the weekend. This is my first attempt at smut ever. Normally I chicken out just before the bed scene or I leave it to my reader's imagination. This time I thought I'd let my imagination have a go. Enjoy!**

"I love you!" His words echoed round the room as the magnitude of what he'd just said hit her.

She wore a deer in headlights expression, her mouth hung open slightly, her breathing becoming heavier.

Before he could think about the consequences, he pulled her towards him. His lips crash down on hers. She let out a sound that was somewhere between a squeak and a moan in shock. Castle could feel her trying to wrestle with her feelings as he sneaked a look at her still open eyes, so to prove his point he pressed harder. All of a sudden Kate seemed to have made her decision. Her eyes squeeze shut and she opened her mouth. Their tongues met in a fit of passion as Castle's fingers got tangled in her soft hair. Her hands find their way to his shoulders as she pulls him closer. They steal gulps of air in between frenzied kisses. At some point they'd started moving. They stop abruptly when Kate's back collides with the wall. She lets out a moan as she starts to feel Castle's hands travel down her sides to cup her toned backside; then he lifts her. She responds by wrapping her legs round his waist. Castle pushes her further into the wall to hold her in place. He can't get close enough. He wants to feel all of her now. Kate feels her desire pool in between her legs as she makes contact with Castle's tangible desire. Castle can feel the heat radiating off of her which only causes him to harden further. It's his turn to moan into her mouth as her hands start to wander

"Bedroom" she mumbles against his lips. Her voice shakes Castle from his desire-clouded reverie. He pulls back, "Are you sure?" His eyes are steel-like as they bore into hers. It would be agony, but if she changed her mind, he was prepared to walk away. Kate's expression softened as she leaned in to give him a quick kiss.

"I'm sure."

Needing no further encouragement, Rick fumbled with the buttons on her shirt. His hands shook slightly, as the magnitude of what they were doing hit him. He eventually got the last of the buttons undone and moved his hands up to her shoulders to help the shirt off. He pulled away to look at her, "Your beautiful"

Kate blushed under his scrutiny. Castle had a past, and although she didn't know, or even want to know how many women he'd been with, it was huge compliment coming from him. Rick pulled her head up and placed a delicate kiss on her lips so as to emphasise his point, but Kate wanted more. Now that they'd got this far she was sure that this was what she wanted. She increased the pressure and ran her tongue along his bottom lip, sucking slightly. He moaned as he ground into her abdomen. They lose their balance and end up tumbling onto Kate's bed. She wrestles him until she is on top, lazily undoing the button and zip on his jeans. Rick lifted his hips to help her get them off, and removed his shirt while he was at it. She took a moment to just drink him in. For a man of Rick's age, he was extremely well toned. She then got down to the obvious bulge in his pants. She smirked to herself but Rick saw it,

"Like what you see Detective?" he was wearing an identical expression, looking even more adorable with his hair sticking up in all directions.

She shrugged, "Maybe...Now don't go getting a big head!"

"Well if that's the aim of the game, we're going about this the wrong way"

Before she could stop it, a loud belly laugh escaped her mouth. Even at a momentous event like this, he was still cracking jokes. When Kate finally got herself under control, she looked into Rick's eyes and saw the familiar twinkle mixed in with desire there. She leaned in for an all-encompassing kiss, so much so that before she knew what had happened, Rick had her pinned underneath him again, kissing down her neck, sucking slightly on her pulse point. Her body was humming with pleasure. She was sure when he got to removing her underwear, they would be wet through. It made her blush slightly and Rick paused in his ministrations to check she wasn't having second thoughts. She smiled sweetly at him, trying to tell him with her eyes that she was alright, just unused to this sort of attention from him.

Rick pushed himself back up the bed before placing a delicate kiss on her swollen lips from their earlier make out session.

"You ok?"

"Yeah I'm just not used to this."

"Used to what? You're not trying to tell me you're a virgin are you?" There was mock surprise in his voice.

She giggled, "No! I'm just not used to being…loved.."

His eyes softened and it suddenly dawned on him that Kate Beckett had freely admitted to never loving someone with her whole heart. It made his chest swell with pride, but also saddened him that she'd never felt this way in relation to sex before. He would be the first person she would make love to.

He kissed her forehead, "Well get used to it, because if I have my way, you're never going to know anything else…well except for when we just need to have each other…which might be quite a lot at first…" he was rambling now, hoping that he wasn't talking himself out of a long term relationship with Kate. She was his one and done, and he wanted nothing more than to be hers. She was his other half in every way possible. She was the only woman he'd ever felt whole with, and wanted to spend the rest of his life proving it to her.

"Castle!"

"Hmm, what?"

"You're rambling." She smiled at him, afraid that her light scold had taken him off the boil.

"Oh sorry…" he looked at her sheepishly.

"Make love to me Rick." She looked him straight in the eye and saw his eyes cloud over with desire once more.

Needing no further encouragement Rick kissed her, their tongues dancing together lazily as one of his hands began to wonder. He ghosted his hand over one of her erect nipples and squeezed gently which made Kate moan and arch into his hand. He smiled, pleased that he was pleasing her. His hand moved lower, continuing his exploration of her body, while urging himself to remember every little detail. As he reached the hemline of her underwear, he could feel Kate getting restless underneath him. He slipped his hand under the silky material and ran his middle finger along her wet folds, down into her heat. _God, she wanted him! _He thought as another moan escaped Kate's lips. Rick broke the kiss and moved to her breast, moving aside the material so he could suck on her nipple. He started to move the finger that was inside her causing Kate to cry out.

"Oh Rick! Please…" she almost hissed, bucking her hips to meet his finger-thrusts. Sensing this wasn't enough, Rick inserted another finger, massaging the nub of nerves, getting faster with each thrust. Kate was lost in the sensation, detracted by the feelings that he was creating with just his fingers and mouth. He sucked harder on her nipple and gave it a little nip as he applied pressure to her clit with his thumb. It drove her over the edge,

"Caaaaassstllleee."

Her body sunk into the mattress as she came down from her orgasm. _Wow, if that's what happens when he's touching me, what's going to happen when he's actually inside me?_

"Did you enjoy that?" he asked while sucking her juices off his fingers looking semi-smug.

She couldn't form words and just had to nod. Rick smiled as he leaned down to kiss her. She could taste herself on his tongue which only made her want him more. Enough was enough, she wanted him in her now.

"I need you now!" she hissed in his ear before taking his earlobe between her teeth and nipping gently before releasing him to remove the last of their barriers.

Rick quickly positioned himself at her entrance. In one swift movement, Rick plunged himself deep within her causing them both to cry out throwing their heads back in ecstasy. As her walls quivered, adjusting to his size, Rick took the opportunity to rest his forehead against Kate's. Their breaths mingling as they panted; their first joining having taken both their breaths away. He brought his hand up to caress her cheek.

"I love you."

Kate smiled, "I love you too…so much." Rick smiled back before leaning in to kiss her quickly before he pulled out slowly and then plunged back in up to the hilt. They cried out again as the sensations overtook them. Hands were everywhere now as Rick started to speed up. Kate dug her finger nails into his back, clawing him to her as if she wanted to be absorbed into him. They moved as one, perfectly synchronised, just as they did in their professional lives. Kate could feel herself getting close and urged Rick to pick up the pace even further,

"Yes! Faster Rick, please…I'm so close."

With a primal growl, Rick pounded into her, and latched on to the other nipple that had been ignored in his earlier ministrations. That did it. Kate Beckett was undone. He felt her walls tighten around him, causing him to go over the edge with her.

"Kate!"

"Rick!" they said simultaneously before collapsing. They lay there catching their breath for a few minutes before Rick lifted himself off of her and gathered her in his arms. He took her face in his hands before bringing her in for another mind-blowing kiss. _I could get used to this_ she thought to herself as she struggled to get her breathing under control. She shot a goofy grin at him before snuggling closer into his arms.

There was still so much to talk about, but for now they were content in their little bubble, just two people, in love. Nothing could spoil this moment.

**Well there you go people. I'm still blushing. I can't believe I just wrote that. Please tell me what you think, was it lame, was it good, should I never write smut again? You tell me, just no flames please if you can avoid it. I was thinking of leaving it here, but if I get enough reviews I might continue the story. Tell me what you think!**


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